<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>The Snake That Eats Itself Can't Be Helped by nick_i_kenicki</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26254531">The Snake That Eats Itself Can't Be Helped</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/nick_i_kenicki/pseuds/nick_i_kenicki'>nick_i_kenicki</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hannibal (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Character Study, Childhood Memories, Developing Relationship, Flashbacks, Gen, Light Angst, M/M, Metaphors, Post Season 3, Post-Canon, Touch-Starved, Trauma, cannibalism mention, chiyoh mention</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:27:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,811</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26254531</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/nick_i_kenicki/pseuds/nick_i_kenicki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Will and Hannibal were more metaphor than human. They knew it well and after what they went through together, it was hard to decipher where they were different anymore. Maybe they were the same beast. Or different ends of the same snake?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Snake That Eats Itself Can't Be Helped</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>First time watching the show in 2020 and first Hannibal fic so go easy on me please.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first time Will tried alcohol was when he was ten. It was a muggy August afternoon. He and his father were on a fishing trip, among the last they had together. They set out on a murky lake in the same shabby dinghy his grandfather had owned before them. Just the two of them alone under a relentless sun.</p><p>"It's the best one for fishing, the motorboats kick up too much dirt and scare the fish", his father had told him. Will didn't know much about fish then and didn't understand much about the trade, so he hung onto those words like scripture. Don't scare them or they'll run. It seemed like a given back then, but as Will got older, he came to truly understand that those who were scared weren't always smart. They didn't always run.</p><p>Will's father had a cooler, just big enough to fit one can of beer and a container of bait in it. He sat it between Will's knees and gestured without looking whenever he wanted something. Will liked his role. He liked watching his Dad cast the silvery thread into the water and waiting. Like most children, he would do anything to make his Dad happy.</p><p>That was a large part of why he obeyed when his father took the beer from the cooler, took a long swig then tilted the can at him. Will gave the can a quizzical look before taking it. He moved to put it back into the cooler but his father held up a finger. "I'm not asking you to work. I'm asking if you want a drink," he said with a chuckle.</p><p>"I don't know . . ." Will said, fidgeting in his seat.</p><p>His father made a face. The kind of face that didn't need words to express what a killjoy the person in front of them was. He hated disappointing people, so Will brought the can to his lips and took a sip before his father could take it back.</p><p>He knew it was wrong, he was very aware, but his Dad had offered it to him and it was just them, so he saw no reason to refuse. The beer can was too cold in his hands and the drink itself had a bitter, pissy flavor but he swallowed the mouthful down anyways.</p><p>His father was delighted, amused. Will ignored the bad feeling. No, he revelled in it. The endlessly satisfying feeling that he was doing something bad with somebody he loved. It was hard to say if Will ever let go of that.</p><p>Something his logical brain knew that the situation with Hannibal wasn't the same, but his emotional brain couldn't parse the difference. Another force of nature that made it easy to make the wrong choice. Will lied to himself everytime he let himself forget their natures, his father's and Hannibal's.</p><p>Will had gotten a taste for lies. If he were to brag, he'd consider himself a connoisseur. Bedelia's were light, full of aromatic hints like mint tea. Jack's were bitter, Will knew them well. Every time they spoke, the taste of his Dad's stale beer overwhelmed his mouth. Other people were similar. He had tasted something akin to orange peels when Molly withheld information and a blooming saline flavor from Wally as well.</p><p>Hannibal's lies tasted like agave nectar. They were sweet, almost too sweet. They were hard to get used to but even harder to forget. The taste lingered on him. He wanted more even if he knew it would spoil him. Normal lies would never taste the same again. Yet, he continued to drink them up.</p><p>The worst of them, the sweetest lie Hannibal had ever told was telling Will, "You'll be okay." Even though he was half conscious from the ocean then, it startled him to the point of flinching when he tried to recall it. It scared him to hear something so blatantly untrue. However, he remembered tasting the sweetness on his own tongue when he nodded and accepted the lie.</p><p>He dreamt of Hannibal so much, it almost surprised him when he reached out to touch him and he was actually there. Alive, next to him.</p><p>Something told Will not to touch him. Something societal? No, something smart. Hannibal would want him to think it was the world pulling them apart rather than common sense, so Will leaned firmly into whatever made him apprehensive and folded his fingers back into themselves.</p><p>They skirted the line between entirely too professional and blindly intimate. It made for situations like the one they were in. Lying in bed facing each other wearing the semi formal clothes Chiyoh had prepared. Neither prepared to engage in the vulnerability of undressing. Well, Will more so. He had a feeling if he asked, Hannibal would strip nude with no reservation. There was no amount of naked he could be while still in his skin anyways.</p><p>It was just the opposite for Will. No matter how many layers he wore, he always felt exposed under Hannibal's gaze. Even just staring at his form in the dark felt overwhelming, like he had to be quiet or he'd wake the beast.</p><p>Hannibal always felt like that though. An animal lying in wait. Pacing the length of his cage, happy to make Will feel acutely small. A child alone at the zoo watching a predator without it's claws stalking the perimeter of it's container. Back and forth till it starved. Unlike those listless zoo beasts in their cages though, Hannibal was still very aware that what he lacked in claws he made up for in teeth.</p><p>"I don't like you," Will said to the silhouette. He knew Hannibal was awake.</p><p>"Oh?" It was hard to tell Hannibal's amusement from genuine disappointment. He turned over so they were facing each other. His eyes were hard to make out in the weak dawn light, but Will didn't need to see his face to know that unblinking stare was aimed directly at him. Drinking in all his features.</p><p>"I don't like you," Will said again, feeling more like a petulant child this time. It didn't have the same weight as it did the first time. Hannibal caught it.</p><p>He let out a little sigh. He knew the games by heart and knew it wasn't quite time to push the rules. Hannibal eased up and wandered to the nearest window. He sat in the sill and let himself bask in the darkness. Will got up to join him.</p><p>"Where are we?" Will asked. The cabin reminded him of his own home. Secluded, nested by miles of forest in either direction. Through the brush of the woods though, there was a peak of ocean. The distant call of seagulls waking with the sun confirmed it as well. They were somewhere foreign </p><p>Hannibal made room for Will to join him and watch the morning. "Somewhere beautiful, I'd like to think." Will took the offer. It was different. They were sitting so close that Will could feel the heat coming off of Hannibal's body. It struck Will to think such a monster could be warm. He wondered if he felt warm too? </p><p>"Do you know what the symbol of the ouroboros is, Will?" Hannibal asked, interrupting Will's dive into his head.</p><p>Will looked up at Hannibal, pointed. If he still had his glasses, he would have fiddled with them. "Of course. It's the symbol of a serpent eating its own tail. In an eternal loop of ravenous hunger and self subjugation."</p><p>Hannibal smiled at that. Or something like a smile, anyways. He moved a bit closer and placed a light hand on Will's shoulder. Their knees grazed each other as well. Despite his annoyance and disgust, Will leaned into the touch. He wasn't sure if there would ever be a time when he didn't. </p><p>"Some also believe it has to do with rebirth. The changing of the soul. A baptism not dissimilar to what we experienced in the ocean." Hannibal explained, testing his chances with a little more weight on Will.</p><p>"That felt more like drowning than baptism." He replied. Then just to be facetious, he added. "And maybe if it saw its own tail as food then the snake was just a fool."</p><p>Hannibal tilted his head and made that fond little expression he always did, the closest thing Will imagined he could get to a laugh out of him. "The snake that eats itself can't be helped, now can it Will?"</p><p>It couldn't. That was the definition of a fool. A child? Perhaps someone with an empathy disorder? A cannibal? Someone who couldn't be helped. The very notion itself made both a sick satisfaction and an unearned relief wash over Will. For people like them, it was hard to go against instinct.</p><p>Hannibal noticed Will relax under his touch and allowed himself to rub slow circles into his shoulder. He risked a question. With a quiet voice, he asked. </p><p>"Would you say that you're the head or the tail?"</p><p>The spell was broken. Somehow Will understood that Hannibal was making an innuendo. He wasn't as disinterested as he hoped he would be but he was keenly aware of who he was talking to again. That damn desire to please wrestled with morality. Will stood up abruptly before he could embarrass himself anymore and changed the subject </p><p>"When is Chiyoh coming back?"</p><p>"She isn't. I sent her away. Since we're starting a new life, I saw no reason to hang onto loose threads."</p><p>"Did you kill her?"</p><p>Hannibal smirked and moved his hands together. A gesture that made him look like a devious cartoon villain. He held Will's eyes. "As if I am some kind of savage?" He stood up to join Will. </p><p>"Enough of that. Care to join me for breakfast?"</p><p>Will just watched him, eyelids heavy. He didn't want to have to ask. Luckily, the glance was enough. Hannibal smiled like Will's suspicion was an inside joke and gestured to the fridge.</p><p>"I was thinking I would make us eggs and toast," he said, the tease in his voice almost velvet. He didn't revel in his joke for long before turning and heading into the kitchen. The sound of innocent cooking started up, lulling Will back into the spell.</p><p>Hannibal was excited. He was excited to start a new life. Somewhere, where Will's logic was tucked away, his brain was telling him that whatever they were doing was just buying time. That there were no new beginnings with monsters. </p><p>However, both the smell of food wafting in from the kitchen and the promise of getting to spend more time with Hannibal made Will hungry. Even if it was selfish to subject the world to his freedom, he wanted more time. So even though Will knew it was wrong, he knew it couldn't be helped.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Tell me your favorite part and if you want to see more Hannibal fic from me.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>